Wednesday, September 16, 2009

"With this ring, I thee wed"

I am currently taking a general religion course and the other day, I was sitting in the class and we were talking about symbols in different religions. The professor brought up what the wedding ring is supposed to symbolize, and somehow he went onto a tangent about the woman taking the man's last name after marriage. He proceeded to tell the class that it was becoming outdated and many people don't do that anymore and in fact, most women do not want to take the man's last name because they want to be their own person.
While I understand what my professor is saying, and how I can see that some women would not take their husband's last name because of their profession or other reasons, I personally plan on taking my husbands last name. I mean, a wedding for me is not for a very long time (6 years or more!) but when it is my time to get married, I feel as though I would be excited to take my husbands last name. Of course I am proud of my family's last name, and respect it fully, I think that out of tradition, that I will take my husband's last name. My mother took my dad's last name, all of my aunts took their husband's last names, and I'm not really sure I've even met many people who haven't taken their husband's last names.
I'm just wondering what your thoughts are on this matter? If you are married, did you choose to take your husband's last name or not? And why or why not did you?
Have a great day!!
Yours,
sCe

39 comments:

Ashley Lauren said...

I always thought I would take my husband's last name too. I just got married in March, and recently made the decision not to formally change my name.

In the past year, I've accomplished some high profile successes in my career, and honestly, the hassle just didn't seem worth it. I changed my name on facebook, and I'm known by my married name in the Junior League. I'll never correct anyone for using either last name, and our children will have his last name.

In fact, I may formally change it when I become pregnant. It will be a game time decision :) (Hopefully I'll be staying home and putting the career on hold when that happens!)

The name thing was way harder for me than I expected...

Mrs EyeCanSee said...

For me, changing my last name was something I didn't even think twice about. It represents becoming one family which in my eyes is what we did when we said our vows. By changing it I didn't think I was being old fashioned, or losing a piece of myself. I'm still part of my family and will always be a David whether it's my last name or not. I want my children to grow up in a household where everyone has the same name.

I don't look down upon women who don't change, everyone has their own reasons. For me though, it was excting and I couldn't wait to become Mrs. EyeCanSee!

mFw said...

We just read an article about this in communication. I was a little annoyed, we discuss that today so we'll see what the others have to say. I personally think its the proper thing to do to take your husbands name in marriage. My mom changed her middle name to be her maiden name.

Perambulations through Pittsbrugh said...

Of course I took my husband's name! I wouldn't think of anything different. When you marry someone you are associated with them, you are united and become one family. That doesn't make me not a person anymore. I feel I would have insulted by husband and the family I married into by saying that you're name isn't good enough to take on as my own. I feel HONORED to have his name, and in formal situations, I even prefer to be addressed as Mrs. Husband's Name.

Rachel said...

BF and I are not yet engaged, but we talk about it all the time. We have talked about it, and I'm thrilled to take his last name! :)

*L* said...

When I get married, I feel like I'll definitely take my husband's last name! I don't think it's 'outdated' at all.

Rachel said...

I did, because it's one of the things that made me excited about getting married. There would be no question that I was his wife.

Lulu in D.C. said...

I have been following your blog for a while now, and think you have some great blog topics and I love your clothing style! Anyways, I just got married a month ago and completely agree on your idea to take your husband's name. I think it is especially important when it comes to children (which is not for a while for me, I only just turned 25!). Having a different last name than your husband and children can be difficult and confusing. I do admit, it takes a while to get used to a completely new last name. While I completely respect everyone's personal views on this issue, this is just my opinion. :) Hope the start of your school year has been well.

Randall @ Happy For This Moment said...

I also understand when women don't take their husband's last name because of professional reasons (published work under their maiden name, etc.) or just for personal reasons.

However, I changed my name to my husband's last name. It was the right thing for me.

Jennifer said...

I am engaged and I am planning on taking my future husbands name. I like tradition and I can still be my own person with his name. I don't think it is outdated at all!

Preppy Politico said...

I will absolutely take my husband's name. The only reason I wouldn't is if I were going for my Ph.D, but otherwise I would go with tradition and take his! I also respect my family name but to me it's an integral part of becoming married.

Headbands and Hand Bags said...

I guess I am old fashion, I love my ring, and everything it means to me. I was also honored to take my husbands name. I have kept my maiden name as a middle name in everything. But we are together forever, and I don't want any confusion about it!

Landlocked Mermaid said...

This is an interesting post. I spent my whole adolescence scribbling my name with the last name of whatever boy I was dating next to it. Then when I finally met my husband it was very hard to change. I got married at 35 and was very proud of all that I had done in my life with my maiden name. Professionally i go by my maiden name. At home, with my husband, on cards and mailings I use his.. I also have made my maiden name my middle name and took his as a last name so I use both most of the time. no hyphen just both together. It is a mouthful but I don't embrace change very well. The only thing I can say is when it came down to saying goodbye to it, it was harder than I imagined. I also love my italian last name xoxo

Becky said...

I think you should take your husband's name, because in God's eyes your united and become "one" so this is just another way of showing that!

Anna said...

I got married three years ago, when I also took my husband's last name. It was always clear to me that I would take my future husband's name if it was more appealing than my own name. To me it was simply a matter of esthetics, not of losing my identity, whereas I know several people who really had trouble with the matter - and some chose to take double names or keep their own name.

Preppy Pink Crab said...

call me outdated then!
I took my husbands last name and wouldn't have had it any other way.
I was going to drop my middle name and have my maiden name as my middle, but it didn't flow right together.

Southern Champagne Wishes said...

I am definitely going to take my husband's last name when I get married. Like you, I don't even know anyone who hasn't. Also, it's definitely the traditional choice and I'm super-traditional. Plus, I want to have the same last name as my children.

L said...

I will definitely take my husbands last name. I didn't think it was becoming outdated and all and I have only met one person who didn't take their husbands last name. Anyways I think its a sign of respect-- and its less confusing that way!!

Ms. B said...

I struggled with this when I got married. I'm fiercely proud of my maiden name and struggled with to get rid of it or not. My husband was completely fine with me keeping it and not changing my name but of course paperwork is so much easier if you have your husband's last name after you're married. So in the end, I wasn't too fond of my original middle name so I replaced it with my maiden name. Both my Grandmother and Mother never had middle names growing up so they ended up doing the same and using their maiden names as their middle ones, so it kind of fit that I should do that too.

It's an interesting thing to think about, why should you take his name over him taking yours for that matter haha. I guess in the end, tradition wins, it did for me, to an extent.

Katherine said...

I took my husband's name, although I do understand why some women keep their maiden name. Aside from all the traditional reasons, it has definitely made business transactions and life less complicated.

I hope you get an engagement ring from Tiffany's someday! Those little blue boxes are so much fun...

Black Labs and Lilly said...

I'm not married, but someday I hope to be! Right now I would say that I plan to take my future husband's last name, I like the tradition, however when and if the time ever comes, I might feel differently and I think that is OK too!

CRICKET said...

I was so excited to take my husbands name. Its a personal choice but somehow it just feels more committed (to me).

Kassie said...

I completely agree with you. Call me old fashioned, but I think it makes you a family, and cements you for the rest of you life. I guess if you're a doctor and your career is around your name, then maybe going by it professionally is one thing, but personally I would change my name immediately when I got married. I love my last name, but def wouldn't think twice about changing it!

Rachel said...

I took my husband's name without thinking twice. I have always just known that I'd want to be The ___ family when I got married. I find it confusing when women don't take their husband's name...but that's just my opinion! And as a teacher, it's the kind of job where I could easily change my name. I think there is less "establishing yourself" in my field.

skinnybitching said...

i ABSOLUTLY changed my last name!! i coudln't wait! but, i do understand why some women don't. especially if they have an established career or child from a previous relationship. but... in my mind, there's just something really special about taking his name :)

In this wonderful life... said...

I took my husbands last name :) I understand wanting to keep the maiden name in your name some place..as like a middle name!

The Blushing Hostess said...

I was professionally licensed and degreed with my maiden name and there was not a discussion about changing my name between us ever, actually. Five years later I asked Josh about this and he said: I am proud of you, the life you built, I don't want you to change it: That is who you are, how I knew you, and I love it. Not long after, my Dad died and I knew I would never change it in earnest then. But I have two babies now, and when it comes to conversations about them, I answer to his last name and that is fine.

In the end, it was not a women's lib thing, or an anti-lib thing, not even a career thing: It was just my name, the way I knew myself, and I kind of like it. Turns out he did too :)

Kelly said...

hmmm...i've always thought that i would take my future husband's last name but i'm not sure how i'll feel when the time comes. who knows what i'll have accomplished. maybe as a compromise i'll hyphen it?? i don't know.

great question!!!

Nicole Marie said...

yeah i agree i definitely want to take my husbands name. {unless its something terrrible} . I wouldn't feel like husband and whife if we didn't have the same last name. but i guess i would be ok with him changing to my last name !

Gerri Ward said...

I like the hyphenated idea, it's a bit of both( his name, the woman's name) This way it solely becomes UNIFIED!!!:)

Abby♥ said...

Oh yes I will definitely take my husbands last name. (Althought I have a long time) I wish things like that would not go out of date!

kim-d said...

Because I am probably your oldest reader...well, lurker...I thought I would chime in on this question as well.

I always thought I would keep my own last name when and if I ever got married. Growing up in the late 1960s/early 1970s, I was not sure I ever would get married. There were so many possibilities! But, definitely keep my last name either way.

Then I met my husband. All of that flew out the window, and I could not wait to share his last name, as well as everything else! Even if he would have had a last name like "Magillicuddy" or something like that, I still would have taken it; fortunately, his/our last name isn't too odd/long/etc. I was 31 when we got married as I waited until I truly knew I had found the right one. He is the only man I ever wanted to marry, and I am so honored to have his last name. My husband died just over 8 years ago, 2 days before our 12th wedding anniversary...and I am still so proud to have the last name of my beloved husband who I will love forever.

But...it is completely a personal decision; I don't think there is any right or wrong, just what works for each individual. :)

EntertainingMom said...

I think it really depends on the situation. As many have stated, they were already established and successful professionally. It really makes sense in that case to keep one's maiden name.

I was very attached to my maiden name but took my husband's name. My maiden name is now my middle name.

I really think it varies by situation.

Blicious said...

i will for sure be chaning my last name. i love the marriage tradition and will follow it! <3

Katherine said...

Just a further thought or two--

Even though I took my husband's name and am glad I did, if I were a Rockefeller, Kennedy, Versace or Vanderbilt, I probably would've kept my maiden name...

There are those out there who love their maiden name but really dislike their husband's last name. They may find that their husband's name makes their full married name sound like a raunchy joke (think "Headlines" with Jay Leno--when he reads the nuptials).

As much as I loved my maiden name, I love my married name just as much!

Carol said...

I am getting married July 31 and plan on taking Nick's last name. I may move my current last name to my middle name, but I will for sure be taking his name.

EmilyB said...

So I just recently got married, and I did change my name (I always thought I would...mom did, sister did, etc.). I was so excited about it pre-wedding, and then all of a sudden it hit me that I would no longer be Emily X... it felt a little like I was losing part of myself, and I didn't really know who this new Emily Y is... you know? BUT at the same time, it's an awesome feeling to have a shared last name with my new husband (and thank goodness he has a great last name...there are some doozies out there!!)

Kristin said...

I had a very lonnnnnng maiden name and was happy to give it up for the hubs' much simpler last name. Ah ha

tastymoog said...

I used to think I would keep my maiden name, but it gets misspelled/mispronounced a lot, I'm not very attached to it anyway, and like the commenter above, my man's name is simpler. :)

I would consider hyphenating as well, but then my name would be so long. :P

I know a couple who blended their lasts names together-- meaning they both got name changes, and created a new family identity. I thought that was cool.

 

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