Tuesday, April 30, 2013

A Note to the 2013 Graduates

Congrats Grad
Dear 2013 Graduates,

You made it! You graduated, unscathed, degree in hand, and are off into that real world you've heard so much about. Cheers to that! I have been reflecting on the past year of my life as a member of the "real world" and have a few thoughts... or rather, things that I have learned this past year that I wish someone would have told me. So, here we go with the details. Please note this is meant to be tongue-in-cheek (my real reflection will be shortly following)...
  • Post-graduation is like a bad breakup. You knew you had to graduate, you saw it coming, everyone is graduating too... but somehow, that month after college passes and all of the sudden it's like WOAH!  That whole, get a job thing... yeah that's real... what they didn't tell you is that you have to wake up at 6:00am for FIVE days of the week... maybe even more depending on the profession you choose. And you thought they were kidding?! 
  • Speaking of getting up at 6:00am... that whole roll out of bed, brush your teeth, comb your hair routine you've got going on. Not exactly going to cut it. You have to look polished and professional... everyday
  • If you live with your parents for at least a few months/year after graduation, you will be able to afford shoes, clothing, and spending money. If not... well, I wish you luck. 
  • In the "real world" there is a three letter word that doesn't seem to exist. N-A-P. It's like asking for a Big Mac at Burger King. 
  • That first paycheck will have you feeling like Princess Kate. After a few more, you'll realize why it's not you who is living in that castle.
  • Those costume themed parties you used to go to? That's another Big Mac at Burger King ordeal. Sad, I know. 
  • Everyone categorizes your 20's as a selfish time period... well, you might as well live up to it. Go get that mani/pedi and that new tote, too. But really... 
  • Burnetts, Andre, Oak Leaf, etc... People in the real world don't drink that. They just don't. Once you walk across that stage with your diploma in hand, vow to never buy another gross bottle of liquor/wine/champagne. You drank it for 4 years, that's plenty. 
  • Work clothes are ugly and frumpy. Get ahead of the ugly game and find a good tailor. Seriously, they are little fairies who work magic... not to be confused with Tinkerbell, she can't (and probably won't) help you. 
  • When you visit your friends from college, it is still not acceptable to drink Andre and Burnett's. You've been warned. 
  • There is a reason Happy Hour is not named Happy Hours. One hour of happy and you'll be ready for bed. 
  • So, it's cool that you have a college degree and all. It may even make you feel smart and successful... Until you meet someone who has 4 billion other degrees. Not so smart now, are you? 
  • Once you graduate, you don't miraculously know how to cook. It's a myth. Stinks, I know! 
Ok, so I've made post-grad life sound a tad on the miserable side, but this I promise you: it's not! Remember how I compared it to a bad breakup? Well hopefully, you have gotten over all of your bad breakups in the past... If not, you're on your own. Have a fabulous day! 


Caitlin said...

This is amazing and so true!!

Unknown said...

I might still drink Trader Joe's wine...that's still socially acceptable, right?

Emily said...

LOL I'm graduating in 2 weeks - thanks for the tips! Unfortunately I'm working an unpaid internship this summer (for my DREAM company), so I still won't be able to afford purses, shoes, and clothes. But hopefully it will pay off in the end!

xx Emily

Portuguese Prepster said...

hahah this cracked me up because my boyfriend graduated last year and says a lot of these things too! but he has to be up at 445!! I think I'm somewhat prepared after seeing him go through it but I'm sure going to miss my naps and sleeping in!

Ashley W said...

100% Accurate. Sad, but true -- especially the part about Happy Hour. I am ready for bed by 9pm!

Chelsea Oliver said...

I put off this list of terrible for two extra years while getting my Masters...but that's over now too so here comes the "real world" lol

Just Jess said...

I completely agree! The getting out of bed at 6am is still a struggle after 6 months of job-land.

Ametis Bassir said...

I totally agree with all of this! No current college student will truly understand until they graduate! Love this, and it was absolutely hilarious!


mFw said...

Oh my gosh! I graduate in december and all of these will be true! Sad part is I actually LOVE andre peach champagne. Burnetts not so much!


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