Wednesday, January 29, 2020

Wedding Wednesday: Our Wedding Registry

Wedding Wednesday: Our Wedding Registry
One of the most asked questions I have received in the past 5 or so years is 'what would you register for'. I get asked this so much and so often that I created a pretty comprehensive blog post about it before I was even engaged!

Registering was SO easy. We ended up registering at:

We are doing a couple's shower late next month so that will be fun! It was extremely important to me not to have a 'traditional' shower as I feel as though it does not fit us personally. I really wanted Andrew to be a part of the shower and it was also very important to me that my dad was a part of it, too, which is why we landed on a couple's shower! My parents and sister (who is my maid of honor) are hosting it, which I love, too, as it is a true family affair!

The only frustrating thing I came across while registering is that there are a lot of websites that don't have a registry option and even collective sites like Zola don't offer many of brands that I would have liked to register for. For example, I would have loved to register at sites like Lindroth, One King's Lane, Tory Burch Home, Ballard Designs and Etsy! I love monogrammed items and places like Etsy have so many incredible linen shops that have a lot more customization options and more personal home items. And I'm dying for the Tory Burch lettuce ware plates but there is nowhere that you can register for them! I mean talk about champagne problems! If anyone out there is tech-savvy, create a platform where you can add anything on the internet onto one registry! 

You'll see that we only registered for tangible items. Truth be told, we don't really need anything... sure it will be lovely to have some new things from our loved ones, but they are items that we ultimately don't need. Most of our registry items are tabletop decor but I did try to give a lot of options/variation and price points. I say this because if you are looking to go off of our registry to help you with what you should register for, this is likely not a good example. Our kitchen is fully stocked with all of the basics and essentials already. We already have nicer/higher-end brands so there really isn't even much we need in terms of upgrading. We don't need things like pots and pants or even towels/sheets, etc. I think if you are looking for a more well-rounded registry then you should check out the post I did before I was even engaged which is much more comprehensive and traditional.

When I moved into the house, I tried to hold off on purchasing some items that I really wanted so that there would be things that I could put on our registry (like a Dyson vacuum). I am actually dying for the Dyson vacuum so even if we don't get it for shower/wedding, I'm buying it anyway! We also registered for 'random' non-traditional items like a garden hose. I know you can create registries where you register for experiences, or a honeyfund, or even just straight cash. That's really popular to do and I cast absolutely no judgment for anyone who does that! I say when it comes to anything involved with your own wedding, you know you best and you do you! That approach was just not for us, though!

Williams-Sonoma was a great place to register for tabletop items so we can create beautiful tablescapes. We also registered for an extra 4 of our everyday plates so in case they get discontinued we will have these 4 tucked away! This is a site that offers monogramming, too, which is a nice touch. I also find that they have nice barware! 

We didn't register for a ton on Bloomingdale's website only because we do not have one anywhere near us. However, Bloomingdale's has higher-end brands like Matouk which I love! Most registries also offer you 20% off after the wedding if you wanted to purchase items from your registry yourself. So you can always add in extra things that you might want to purchase for yourself if they don't get purchased for you. 

Amazon has everything under the sun so this was just easy all around and nice for those who have Prime. This was also a good resource to register for very random and inexpensive items like our favorite sponges. Amazon has an option where you can choose to let guests 'contribute to a gift. I felt a little weird about turning the option on for certain higher-priced items, but we ultimately did for 

I can't create a widget for the Sasha Nicholas registry, but it's worth checking out if you haven't heard of the company. They make custom monogrammed tableware and it's so beautiful! They also offer an extensive collection of Herend and other fine china brands.

Don't Stress
I think a lot of couples spend a lot of time trying to create the 'perfect' registry for them and what's really great about registries is that you can return anything. So if you end up registering for something over a few glasses of wine that you and your fiancé thought would be fun to add, and then when you get it, you realize it's not practical, you can very easily return it!

My Biggest Tip
My other biggest tip is: YOU DO YOU. Seriously. There are SO many different situations so blanket advice that you see on the internet isn't always something you should follow. There are so many people out there that want to tell you to register for fine china or kitchen aid mixers and if that is not your thing, you do not need to register for them! I love fine china, but I have never baked a day in my life and neither has my fiancĂ©. We also have no desire to do so. Everyone was telling us: get the Kitchenaid mixer but it was just not right for us as a couple. 

Should you gift off-registry?
Lastly, I got a lot of mixed feedback when asking in a poll on instastories if it's OK to go off the registry for wedding guests which I totally get! My personal opinion is that if you know the couple incredibly well, I think it could be OK to go off-registry and get a custom house painting or ornament or something along those lines. However, just personally, I'm not sure that everyone I know truly understands our tastes. Just speaking for myself personally, I am extremely discerning in what I bring into our home and have a specific look that I go for. I definitely follow the 'Marie Kondo' attitude that if it doesn't bring me joy, it's out of here! I would imagine this could get incredibly frustrating if you are a couple living in a small apartment and do not have much storage space. Amassing a bunch of vases or frames is not helpful at all when space is at a premium! So I'd say really take into consideration the couple and use your best judgment on this one. Personally, if a registry starts to get picked over, I skip the registry and just give a check in a nice card. 

Always Say Thank You and Be Grateful
I think this goes without saying, to show thanks regardless of what you are gifted- off the registry or on. Just because you're getting married doesn't necessarily mean you are entitled to gifts! It is an incredible privilege to receive gifts from loved ones and even if you receive 10 vases off-registry, it's so important to remember how lucky you are to have these people in your life and that they were thoughtful and generous enough to give you anything. The reason you are getting married is that you love each other and are making a lifetime commitment- not to get gifts! In my opinion, the best gift is to have your loved ones with you on your wedding day. This also goes without saying, but ALWAYS write a thank you note. ALWAYS. Order thank you cards early so you're stocked up and can be ready to write as soon as you receive a gift. 


Kristen said...

You have fantastic registries! This reminds me how much I want a Yeti Flip too! :) allows you to add items from "non registry" sites onto one registry! When I was getting married, I had a registry at Bloomingdales, Williams Sonoma, and then also for a few Tory Burch lettuce ware items and a gorgeous appetizer board from Soundview Millworks (a Darien, CT based company that makes beautiful products. Check them out!). xx

Anonymous said...

Question because I'm genuinely curious - I have always read in etiquette guides that it wasn't appropriate for the family of the bride to host a bridal shower because of the old-timey perception that they're asking for gifts for her. Are there carve outs for this rule, say, for couple's showers? Or did you just say screw it haha? Not meaning to sound accusatory at all, you're just such a proponent of proper etiquette if that's a rule you don't even think is worth following I might not follow it either!

Summer Wind said...

Anonymous, you're totally right, the parents of the bride are not supposed to host the shower! My sister was originally going to do it on her own (since she is my maid of honor and I'm not doing a bridal party otherwise) but since she lives in Charlotte, North Carolina, it makes more sense/is easier that my parents are helping as well! On the invitation, it doesn't say that my parents are hosting it or anything like that, but they are most definitely pitching in along with my sister! My sister is actually a graphic designer as part of her job so she designed the invite completely from scratch which I think is really cool (and it looks so cute, too!).

Technically a 'couple's shower' is a much newer thing and not at all traditional in the first place. I really wanted to buck tradition with this shower- so yes, I basically said screw it, hah! I was honestly opposed to a shower entirely, to begin with, so this is what we came up with as a 'compromise'. A traditional shower would be a women-only luncheon-style shower usually thrown by the MOH/bridal party or an aunt. The entire traditional shower thing just did not sit right with me!

It's not necessarily a rule I think you should follow, but it's also not a rule I think you shouldn't follow either. It's like at one point in time wearing white jeans in the winter was SUCH a big no-no and now it's so common for a lot of people. Yet there are still people who diligently stick to that 'no white before memorial day/after labor day' rule. Either way, it's OK and that's kind of how I feel about this tradition. I also think this kind of thing is something you need to gauge with your parents/grandparents etc. My mom had never even heard of a couple's shower before I told her that that is what we were interested in so I had to explain it to her.

Also to give you an example of another tradition that we broke is that we have my married monogram all over the house already. It's a big no-no in the etiquette world, but I have received SO many monogrammed gifts from family and friends and brands and purchased new monogrammed items myself over our year-plus engagement that it made no sense to keep SO much stuff being unused and just taking up space, so that's another one where I said screw it!

Hillary said...

I got married in October and also registered at Williams Sonoma. I hope you have better luck than we did! Evidently when you create a registry they also create one for you at Pottery Barn. We had no idea this happened until we received towels that said they were purchased from our Pottery Barn registry. In getting them to take down the Pottery Barn registry they accidentally also deleted the Williams Sonoma registry. It was a true nightmare that took emailing 11 different people in customer service and 5 phone calls before it was fixed!

Anonymous said...

Totally shocked you are doing a jack and jill shower. Thought of you as more traditionalist. It is more fun with guys. And I too had thought that family members weren't supposed to do showers. But as they say YOU DO YOU. I am still a believer in surprising the bride for the shower.

Anonymous said...

The purpose of a shower is to set up the bride in her new house. You already have a house and have been living together. I find having a shower, in your case, is in incredibly poor taste.

Summer Wind said...

I find your comment to be in incredibly poor taste!


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